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Relational Power: Make Friends, Influence Others, and Foster Connection Through the Practice of Authentic Relating

Read the DRAFT version of my latest book on the acquisition of Relational Intelligence through Authentic Relating practices.

This is the sequel to the Circling Guide, so if you have not read the Circling Guide, start with Relational Power

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Update Dec/2023: the Circling and Authentic Relating Practice Guide (the most popular book on the practice of Circling within the Authentic Relating tradition) has now been replaced by Relational Power and all of the practical advice from the Circling Guide has been integrated into it.

Given, however, that Relational Power is still in draft version (see crowd-sourcing updates), I am continuing to make the Circling Guide available. You can get it on Gumroad, Print, Kindle, or Audiobook format.

Other good Circling and A/R print resources are Sara Ness manuals, Bryan Bayer’s book, Jason Digges Conflict = Energy. Ryel Kestano’s new Authentic Relating, and the new free course at CircleAnywhere.

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Courtesy of Circling Europe

PREFACE TO THE 1st EDITION: MY AGENDA

“No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care” – Theodore Roosevelt

This book fulfills three deep desires of mine.

My first desire was to write a practice guide to Circling that could be read in one sitting and give the essence of the modality. A guide that might be especially useful to those of us with short attention spans.

My second desire was to share my excitement about the Authentic Relating movement, which has been so fun and so transformational for me in such a short time, in the hope of inspiring others to try it out for themselves.

And my third desire was to put Circling into the context where I think it squarely belongs: as a revolutionary practice aimed at extending the reach of loving kindness in the world. As such there is no sphere of life, public or private, that cannot benefit from the skills described here. You can practice Authentic Relating (A/R) with anyone, whether they are aware of your intentions or not, and if you do it correctly (which is not always easy) it is very likely that you will get phenomenal results with most people.

The Circling and Authentic Relating movement is currently the largest and fastest-growing global movement for teaching relational intelligence, other than NVC. Furthermore, it is an open-source (or non-proprietary) movement, which is quite rare in terms of human developmental modalities. I will expand on this topic (the place of Authentic Relating within the larger “we-space movement”) in Chapter 4.

However, the strength of Circling – that open-source makes it something of an anarchic, or “emergent” phenomenon – is also a weakness. I do not have any certifications from any of the schools of Circling, and despite this I have had considerable success in leadership, both in my personal life and community. As such I have a further agenda here: to encourage any and all “cowboy and cowgirl circlers” – meaning Circlers like me who are not formally trained or credentialed – to hit the streets and lead. Be aware that this is controversial and there is a risk in this, of causing damage. My advice: be humble, process your inevitable reactivity, and you will be fine. Authentic Relating is not “easy”, but it may be the most valuable thing that you can learn.

The focus of my writing and practice is to bring Authentic Relating to real-world problems across the board; but I am most interested in its applications in mental health (see www.seekhealing.org), place-based or land-based communities (see www.manifesting.net) and sexuality (see www.authentic.singles). If you are interested in these topics and want to support me or share resources, or else have any feedback to the book, please write to me at [email protected]. 

With love,
Marco

February 2021

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