New Context for the ARC programs

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Following this are tips for optimizing your experience during the sessions. I will also send you a calendar invite

This is not a drop-in group (unlike most circling) as the intimacy will build over the course of the program. You are loved and hence will be missed if you don’t show up! What I am asking instead is “best effort” attendance at each session and to communicate if you need to miss a session.

The room will be open 5 minutes before the hour. Please be on time as we start on the hour. Also, I normally limit the group to 6, but I am experimenting with a group of 8 for this cohort.

Most of you are already on the WhatsApp group, if not here is the link: [redacted]

This group is optional but highly desirable to have some contact between sessions.  Use it to check-in, share “news and goods”, ask for support, etc.   Also feel free to invite people to 1-1’s

Most sessions will be structured as:

1. Drop-in (15 minutes): paired-share warmup exercises. I will try and match you with a different person each week so you get to know everyone

2. check-in (3-5 minutes each, either with or without impact, total 30-45 minutes)

3. “Aliveness round” (10-15 minutes)

4. Circling (about 45 minutes), either a focus circle, a flow circle, or a topic circle (I will explain on the session)

5. Check-outs and final impacts (10 minutes)

There are no pre-requisites for this program, although some familiarity with Circling or similar modalities (especially NVC) is highly desirable. If you have no background at all in Circling, it is recommended you read my Circling Guide which you can do in 90 minutes. Ask me for a digital copy. Note that there is a 3rd Edition of the Circling Guide, for which I have raised close to $5k and is in active development.

People tend to come to my groups for two reasons: to have an AR experience or for leadership development (ie. starting your own groups). A third less-common reason is to familiarize yourself with the global AR landscape so you can drop-in confidently to one of the many AR practice groups.We can cover all 3 of these goals, but this is the first group I am running in which leadership development is an explicit goal. 

My groups until now have been more focused on having an AR experience, which of course is necessary: “leadership” in AR means to give people an AR experience, so of course you can’t lead groups if you don’t know what an AR experience is. However, be aware that in this program, my goal will be to teach you how to lead AR. This means I will at times be a bit more directive or “coach-y” than your typical circle, and also will give a bit more context (see below).

Note that you can’t learn to lead AR in 6 sessions (I am 10 years in and still learning). But there is no reason to not get started. Indeed, the ONLY way to get good is to start  leading. You don’t have to call it AR and you don’t even need to inform people of what you are doing. Maybe you are already doing it. My recommendation is to bring it to your men’s group, your sharing circles, your daily interactions with people. It will change your life.

Circling sits on a scale between yin (more feminine) and yang (more masculine) which are related to the best / optimal balance between care and truth (which changes for every group and every moment of course). My orientation is more yang. Practically speaking this means more of what we call “developmental intent”. I like to circle with the intent, not just of having a good time (yin), but also of changing the world through our presence, aka increasing impact.What I want is for y’all to optimize your own development through these sessions, while (of course) having a good time. Doing this well is the essence of good Circling.

This idea is slightly controversial, btw. Some people trained in the Transformational Connection style of Circling (which is called “Surrendered Leadership”) have told me that what I do is not circling. But I would argue that most serious circlers would agree with me. I tend to have spectacular circles (what I call “home-run circles”) wherever I show-up and on every platform. A “home-run” circle is when everyone leaves happy, smiling and wanting more. This is what happens when you get good, and this is your goal in leadership (because, obviously, it means your clients will come back and your friendships and impact will deepen). Not necessarily every time, this is not possible. You WILL make mistakes, sometimes very bad mistakes.  But most times. And when you make mistakes, you will apologize and move on, and this will deepen the connection.

“Context” in AR means explanation. It is like lecture-presentation. It is necessary in teaching a course, and also in leadership, but be aware this is NOT Authentic Relating. AR is the in-the-moment sharing of felt-experience, which may include ideas and/or context, but you will need to learn to minimize ideas and context to become good in AR.

Almost all AR leaders talk too much. We kind of like to hear the sound of our own voice, I suppose this is human.Thus, I will be giving you what I call “minimal viable context” in each session, simply because its necessary. But when I do I will be explicitly  “wearing professor hat” and will inform you of such.

Finally (and I hope this is not too long, I am on a roll LOL). What is unique about the Circling practice, is that in a circle you can “lead” from any position. You “lead” in a circle through attention and vulnerability. As such, although I am the designated leader here, we are all leaders. What this means, is that I want you all to show up. Which means, tell me when something is not landing well (I do make mistakes occasionally LOL), and also give felt-experience if it feels helpful to you or the group.

I look forward to journeying with you all. I am also a writer, so you may also want to subscribe to my blog “We-space letters”. You can find the link in the signature.

With love,

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