“Along with chocolate, sex and samadhi, Circling is best experienced directly” – Bryan Bayer, author of The Art of Circling
“A sorrow shared is a sorrow halved. A joy shared is a joy doubled” – Anonymous
Table of Contents
- Preface: My Agenda
- My Story
- How to Use this book
- Part 1: Circling (this page)
- Chapter 1: First Orientation to Circling
- Chapter 2: NVC and Circling; how they complement each other
- Chapter 3: The Minimum Viable Circle
Part 1: Circling
This section will orient you to Circling within the Authentic Relating tradition. This is the part you can read in one sitting, and hopefully drop-in to a circle without feeling too lost or out-of-place.
Chapter 1: First Orientation to Circling describes the practice from a high-level (or conceptual) perspective: the goals, the logistics, and reasons that you would want to do it. Be aware, however, that (as per Bryan Bayer’s quote above) you cannot really understand Circling until you have had the experience. This is a problem which we, Authentic Relating leaders who are running beginner groups, face all the time. It’s something of a catch-22, because you can’t exactly “teach” Circling, you can only model it. And so, we are asking our students to do something they don’t know how to do but which we can’t properly explain to them. Still, miraculously, it usually works.
There are at least three ways of learning anything: conceptually, through examples or case studies, and through personal experience. This first chapter will teach you Circling conceptually, hopefully.
In the next Chapter 2: NVC vs. Authentic Relating, we’ll do a detailed case study of Authentic Relating in action (or what I call “Authentic Relating in the Wild”), by means of an introduction and critique of Non-Violent Communication. This chapter will teach you through an example of how to relate to your room-mate who doesn’t do their dishes. NVC is like an earlier model of Authentic Relating and it’s very valuable to Circling and Authentic Relating effectively. NVC was, at the time it was created by Marshall Rosenberg in the 1970’s, the most powerful relational developmental model ever invented. Even today, it gets far more things right than it gets wrong.
Following this, in Chapter 3: The Minimum Viable Circle, I will teach you a simple practice which encapsulates the deeper principles of Circling. I suggest you try this out immediately with a friend, but it will be valuable in a formal circle as well.
And finally, in Chapter 4: Circling Best Practices, we get into the actual practice guide: what to do and say in groups, and perspectives which you may find valuable in relating to others in a Circling context. Completing Chapter 4 will be your “Circling boot camp and ought to take you about 90 minutes.
At this point you should find and join a circle. They happen both online and locally in many places. To find one, see Appendix D: Resources.
After you have experienced your first circle (or, ideally, several circles), and haven’t run away screaming, I urge you to read Chapter 5: The “True Joy of Life”. This will tell you the larger context of Circling and introduce you to AR as a global movement for personal and social transformation.
Note: Circling is what we call an “infinite game”, meaning something that you can do for the rest of your life and keep on getting better at it. It “takes a minute” to master it (or, if you are like me, 5 years or so). I recommend formal Circling as the best way to learn Authentic Relating: because, hopefully, you won’t be wasting any time. Typically you will have an hour to practice, so you best “get right to business.” If your first circle doesn’t do anything for you, I suggest you try out different styles and/or different schools. You can also check out some of the programs offered by ART International, look at the communities map to find local events, or attend one of mine and Sophie’s 6-week online courses, Authentic Relating in Community.
Continue reading: Chapter 1: First Orientation to Circling
