(This is a continuation of the post Circling, leadership development, and facing shadow)
I am having a lot of deep reflections, and also conversations, from the previous post and subsequent events. Two insights in particular I would like to share:
It’s that when I show up in vulnerable leadership (which is the only way I am now able to show-up, having “drunk the kool-aid” of the A/R movement and wanting and needing to “practice what I preach”) I am going to get push-back, resistance. I am (essentially) going to be both surfacing and revealing my own trauma (or shadow), and generating (or at least surfacing) some level of trauma in other people.
And this is just how it is, it is perfect. Nothing to get upset about. It’s in the very nature of the modality and at the very core of its power.
And ultimately, this is why I am a Circling evangelist…
This is why I believe the Circling and A/R movement to be the most powerful consciousness movement (or leadership development movement) of all time: it makes me realize what an idiot I am (or how unconscious, however you want to describe it). Essentially: through vulnerable leadership I both reveal to others, and gain increasing awareness for myself, of my own shadow (or trauma activation); which then (ideally) surfaces other people’s shadow and then (ideally, again) helps to resolve both.
Who is the genius who invented this? Many people. It seems that the time has come for this new way of being and way of relating to move into the larger culture. The time to stop pretending and to stop playing games. The games that we all play to gain love and power, to survive, to hide our humanity, because the revealing of our humanity would be so excruciatingly painful (and maybe get us killed…)
Is there hope for me (or anyone)?
I don’t know. It’s a big question whether a movement which many mistake as a kind of New Age cult, a “new-and-improved” version of 60’s style encounter groups, can have the kind of impact that I (and many others) imagine it could. As I myself travel in the world with hopes and dreams of making a difference in the world and in people’s lives, and yet more often than not end up smack-against my own and other people’s bullshit:
“We have seen the enemy, and he is us…”
But I will keep plugging away at this. 57 years of unconsciousness — I don’t want to take this too personally as its the universal human experience, as the Buddha taught (the Buddha calls this, what I am describing, Anicca, or the Wheel of Karma — the constant reactivation and perpetuation of trauma). What else can I do? Name me a better game. I will keep on trying until I drop dead…
To summarize: I have this increasing awareness that we are all these “trauma machines”, desperately seeking to be re-activated (as we do want to heal) while at the same time desperately fearing it and compulsively avoiding it.
Life if weird…